I had never really thought about pregnancy until I got married. And then I thought about it all the time. And I was scared. Like really scared. I pushed off getting pregnant for as long as I could due to that fear.
WHAT WAS I SO AFRAID OF?
I was scared of all the body changes. I had worked so hard to get to a place where I loved my body, and pregnancy would change it all. I was scared that I wouldn’t love my growing stomach, the stretch marks, and the weight gain. I was scared of labor and birth. And I was scared for my postpartum body.
So Why Not Know My Weight?
I knew myself well enough to know that if I kept track of my weight throughout my first pregnancy, that I would become hyper-focused on it. I was afraid that I would turn to some past negative behaviors to try to control that weight. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love my baby because of all the built-up resentment from the changes in my body. I was afraid that I would be sad and depressed because of the number on the scale. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to listen to and respect my body because the number on the scale would become more important. I was scared that my weight would become a higher priority than taking care of my body and baby.
There is a chart out there that tells you how much weight you “should” gain during pregnancy, and I did not want to get caught up in what I was “supposed” to weigh.
So I chose to not weigh myself at home and to do blind weights at doctor appointments. It was the best decision I could have made! By choosing not to know my weight, I saved myself from a million break-downs, weeks of stress, and days of depression. I am currently doing blind weights for my second pregnancy as well.
What Do I think About Instead?
My postpartum body is different than what my body was like before pregnancy. I had no expectations to what it would look like in a year postpartum and I am trying to not have any expectations throughout this second pregnancy. I am choosing to focus on how my body feels, and that’s the most important thing I can do. I’m focused on eating what sounds good and hopefully getting some nutrients in as well as moving my body in ways that feel good. And prioritizing sleep and stress management especially with a toddler running around now. Pregnancy and birth is a beautiful process. A female’s body can literally create a living and breathing person. Because I don’t have the stress of numbers/weight on my mind, I am able to appreciate the process so much more than I would have been able to. And for that I am grateful.
My weight does not define how good of a mother I am or person I am. And your weight doesn’t define who you are. I am so grateful that I choose not to know my weight, and it’s something that I highly recommend everyone to consider doing.